Everytime
by Rowel
Summary: Based on Britney 2.0, how it should have happened. This is a Brittana one-shot about what were my hopes before the episode came out.


This is the second week of school. The _second_. And she has already made me fall. She made _me_ fall! I never fall during cheerios practice. That's as usual as Lord Tubbington on a diet. Or Lord Tubbington quitting smoking. Or Lord Tubbington quitting smoking _while_ being on a diet. I _hate_ her! I think it's the first time I hate someone. Well besides Finn. And Rachel. And Tina, especially Tina. But that's not the point. It's been only two weeks and she's captain of the cheerios already, and that is _so_ not fair. I don't know how Coach Sue could pick her over me, I don't even know how did she get in the cheerios with a name like that. Kitty. Seriously? Coach didn't take that name as a joke or something? Who names their daughter 'Kitty'? So, after a fight with that Pussy girl, Sue came to me and started talking about something related to my GPA, and last thing I know? I'm being kicked out of the cheerios.

At least this week in Glee we're doing Britney again, but I think Mr. Schue will ignore my demand about doing every solo, even though I'm better than any of them. I won't let Blaine do any of her songs, he would turn any song into a gay anthem or something, not that I'm complaining but the only one who can do that with my permission is Kurt, and only because he's the most unicorn.

I feel so sad, sadder than a sad little panda. Sadder than Lord Tubbs when I hid the fondue from him. Sadder than Santana when she came out to her abuela. Santana. She would know how to cheer me up, but she's not here and I don't know when will she. I don't even know if she would want to, she's always so busy… I miss her so much. Skype is just not enough, you can't scissor with a webcam.

_*buzz* 1 New Message_

_San 3: finished for today, wanna talk? I'm on skype  
Me: just thinking about you right now ;) of course! Wait a sec :D  
San 3: thinking about me or thinking about sex with me? wanky  
Me: you just know me so well ;)  
San 3: what a perv! But I love it. Now stop texting and go skype!  
Me: yes ma'am! Wooops I did it again_

Maybe it's not enough, but it will do for now. Thankfully, Santana taught me how to use better my laptop before she left, because I wouldn't have any idea about how to install Skype, or _what is _Skype for that matter. I remember how hard she laughed when, during my first lesson, she told me to 'open a window' and I refused because it was all hot outside. Why would summer has to end? And why would I be so dumb? I could be with Santana right now, but instead I'm stuck another year in Lima. Sheer genius, Pierce.

I was lost in my thoughts when my laptop decided to finally come to life. I stopped for a second to look at my wallpaper ̶ Santana also taught me that ̶ , a picture of us doing a strange face and being dorks. I wanted to put it on Facebook because it was _so_ cute, and Santana looked so happy, but she told me to delete it because she 'looked like a monkey while it's screaming and throwing poop around'. I thought that it didn't make any sense, and that monkeys are totally cute, not as cute as ducks though, but at least I could convince her to let me keep it to myself.

When I realized I was staring too much at the picture and that Santana was waiting for me, I quickly logged in. The second I did, a new window popped out.

_Santana: what took you so long britt? I thought you were leaving me here waiting forever ):  
Brittany: I couldn't help myself and I started looking at pictures._

_*Santana Lopez is calling you*  
*Accept*_

_"And what pictures were you looking at?"_. I heard her yesterday and I already missed her voice. It's so beautiful, and raspy, and sexy, and ̶ "_Britt? Hello? You hear me? Don't tell me this fucking machine is broken ag_ ̶ "

"No, no, it's fine, I hear you. Sorry, I was a little lost there". Seriously, I have to learn how to keep myself together.

I didn't have to wait more than a second before Santana's face joined the lets-make-Brittany's-stomach-flip party. She was still in her new uniform, with her wavy hair down. I've seen her so many times like this, but usually I can run my fingers through that hair without hitting the laptop screen.

_"Are you okay B? You seem a little out of yourself"_. There was worry in her voice, and in her face. Am I okay?

"Yeah sure, I just really miss you S". Her features immediately softened, but not completely. "How was your day?"

"_It was fine until cheerios practice, but there's nothing that a hot bath won't fix"_, she said with a reassuring half-smile. "_What about you? Is Coach Sue being bitchier than usual? Should I kick someone's ass?_"

"No, she's fine actually" And that was true. She hasn't been all moody since she got her baby. The only thing that wasn't fine was that Kitty girl. And the fact that I've been kicked out. "Although, there's something I need to tell y-"

I was caught mid-sentence when a girl opened Santana's room door. It looked like she was inviting Santana to some kind of party. When the girl left and I was going to continue, Santana stopped me.

"_Hey sorry Britt, but I gotta go get dressed and stuff. There's a party and all the cheerios are going, so…" _She didn't finish her sentence, being obvious that she was saying goodbye.

"Yeah, sure. Have fun San." I didn't even checked if she ended the call before I got up from my desk and sunk on my bed.

I wasn't mad or anything. I just was a little frustrated, because that scene has been happening for a week or so now. We would do small talk for ten minutes tops, and then Santana would have to go somewhere else. This time she didn't even notice that I just came from school and I don't have my cheerios uniform.

It wasn't more than two minutes after, that I remembered that I wanted to do a Britney song for Glee Club tomorrow, and I had to practice so I put on the stereo without moving from my bed. My song choice started immediately because it's been on replay since I came up with that idea. I wanted to do something more serious, more soothing, and I can sympathize a lot with this song... A beautiful piano opened it, and it wasn't long until I had to start singing.

_Notice me  
Take my hand_

Memories of Santana holding my hand make their way to my mind. The first time she did it in public '_but, like, under a napkin'_, and the last time before she got on her mom's car and went to Louisville. Her hands are always so warm, but not the sweaty kind of warm. The nice one. Holding her hand reminds me of the comfy feeling when you cuddle with your pet or with someone. Like, not wanting to let it go. And I definitely don't want to let her go.

_Why are we  
strangers when  
our love is strong  
Why carry on without me?_

I didn't want to let her go, but she had to anyways. She left without having the less idea about when can she come visit me. I miss her so much, and it seems like she doesn't miss me at all. She's always busy with other things, or other people. I bet she has lots of friends. I'm sure being in college is like getting a whole new life, and the saddest thing is that I'm not a part of it anymore. And all because I wasn't smart enough to graduate like everyone else. Even _Puck_ graduated! What is wrong with me…

_And everytime I try to fly I fall  
without my wings I feel so small_

Santana _is _my wings. She made me believe in my own magic. If I couldn't graduate when she was with me, what makes me think that I could do that on my own? I've only been at school for a week and it feels like I can't even walk without stumbling. I needed something to give me strength, or at least a little emotion, that's why I wanted to be 'the new Rachel'. But I wasn't good enough to make it, _again_, and I got any motivation left. I wish I could have real wings and fly to Santana. But, now that I think about it I wouldn't be a bicorn, I would be like a bigasus or something… Whatever. The only thing I know is that it's only been two weeks since I've last seen her and I've already been kicked out of the cheerios and I couldn't win at 'New Rachel' competition.

_I guess I need you baby_

Need her is an understatement. I find myself looking for her when I got to school, or when I open my locker. Looking for her smile when I make a joke that only she seems to understand. Searching for her voice humming along to some tune. I didn't realize how many time I spent with her or close to her until she left and school started. It's like she used to be everywhere and now she's missing, and the only memory at school that she's been there with me was our photo inside my locker. The one that I always look at between periods, hoping she shows up saying that we need to get to class or we're gonna be late. I _really_ need her.

_And everytime I see you in my dreams  
I see your face, it's haunting me  
I guess I need you baby_

And everytime I fall asleep the only thing I dream about is her. Sometimes I can kiss her, sometimes they are about old memories with her. And yes, some other times they're sex dreams, because obviously I also miss that. But the better ones are about falling asleep and waking up next to her. But in that moment, the dream ends and I'm left with an empty bed, a pinching stomach, and feeling like I didn't lose just my girlfriend, but also my best friend.

_I make believe  
that you are here  
It's the only way  
I see clear  
What have I done?  
You seem to move on easy_

I've been down all day. The only thing I ate was Cheetos, but it doesn't matter anymore since I'm not in the cheerios right? In fact, I'm not that upset about it, I only liked it because I could dance a lot and because I was with Santana. But she's not there and I don't really feel like dancing anymore… It feels like she was my key piece, and when she left I just fell down. But she's perfectly fine, doing college stuff with cool college people. She's better off without her dumb and dependent blonde girlfriend who couldn't pass any subjects. That's why she's being completely fine with this distance thing. Santana moving on looks like the normal thing to happen.

_And everytime I try to fly I fall  
without my wings I feel so small  
I guess I need you baby  
And everytime I see you in my dreams  
I see your face, you're haunting me  
I guess I need you baby_

I need her more than I could have ever imagined. I wonder if she misses me a little, too. I can't know that kind of stuff when she's not here. She's never been a words person when it comes to feelings, I need to read her body language and it frustrates me a lot because I _can't_ do that now. I need her with me, and I need her more than she will ever need me.

_I may have made it rain  
Please forgive me  
My weakness caused you pain  
and this song is my sorry_

Sorry for not being brave enough to stand up for myself most of the times. Sorry for depend so much on you. Sorry for pushing you when you weren't ready. Sorry for not being smart enough to be there with you right now. Sorry for not being good enough for you, because you're probably realizing it now.

_At night I pray  
that soon your face  
will fade away_

But I don't want your face to fade away, I want to be with you so I don't have to constantly look at pictures. I don't want to see you through a screen, I want to _touch_ you. Cuddling with Lord T can't compare to cuddling with you. Or watching movies with you. Or listening to music with you. Or gossiping about people with you. Or _dancing_ with you. I love dancing with anyone, but I like dancing with you best. And we can't dance through a webcam.

_And everytime I try to fly I fall  
without my wings I feel so small  
I guess I need you baby  
And everytime I see you in my dreams  
I see your face, you're haunting me  
I guess I need you baby_

I need you to help me fall asleep. I need you to feel motivated again. I need you to _notice _me and tell me that everything's gonna be okay. Because everybody else can respect me, but nobody gets me like you do. I need my best friend.

By the end of the song I was a sobbing mess. Yep, I wouldn't be able to sing that song in front of the glee club without running from the choir room. I guess another song would do… Or maybe I am no longer good enough for Glee Club and I would have to quit it before Mr. Schue kick me out, too.

_"Britt?"_

The sound of her unexpected voice scared me like hell and I jumped from the bed, falling on the floor. I quickly got up looking around for the source of _her _voice. What the hell? Did I get crazy?

_"Britt, your laptop."_ I looked at the screen, remembering I didn't even bother to finish the Skype call. She sighed and it was then when I notice her red eyes. Was she crying? "_You left this open before…"_

I dried some of my tears with my hand before answering "Didn't you have to go somewhere?" Did I snap at her? Okaaay Brittany, you're definitely in a bad mood.

_"Y-Yeah I had" _She looked conflicted. "_Are you really okay B?_

"No I'm not" I didn't lie this time, and then I knew I couldn't stop neither the words or the sobbing. "I'm not, Santana. There's a girl in the squad that makes my life imposible, she even made me fall"

_"A girl made you fall? Britt why didn't y-" _she tried to interrupt me but I continued anyways.

"But that doesn't matter because Sue kicked me out of the cheerios for being an idiot, and-"

_"You're not, Brittany"_ She interrupts me again, but I ignored her.

"And I don't think it won't be long until Mr. Schue complains about me too. A-and my girlfriend? She's so fricking far away! And she doesn't even want me anymore b-because she's all fine in her super duper college with her new friends while I'm here missing her and seeing how everything around me fall apart. I'm so not okay Santana"

I had to catch my breath because I has been rambling the whole speech without giving me time to inhale some air. She was quiet now and looking down at her lap. I noticed then that she hadn't changed her clothes, so she must have been listening and watching the whole 'performance'. I was feeling all self-conscious with that.

_"Brittany, I-"_ She stopped. "_I don't know what to-" _Another pause._ "Look, I miss you. I really do. I miss you to the point where I'm all the time fighting the need to just drop everything and go there with you, wait for a year doing nothing but helping you, and then move the hell out of Lima, the two of us. Do you know how many times I've thought that? That's what I told my mother I wanted to do, but you told me to come here Britt"_ A sob. "_You told me to come here and now I'm miserable without you. I miss you B. I miss us."_

"I just need to know when will I see you, S. I need to know that all the shit that has happened this past week is going to be fixed, and I need to know everything's going to be alright. That _we_ are going to be alright. And I need you San, because this senior year has just begun and it already sucks."

Now I realize that all that I've been wanting from Santana lately is to be my friend. To comfort me. To tell me everything's going to be okay. Because anything she says, I'll believe it. And if I believe it, I can make it happen. It's like in Peter Pan. If you don't believe in fairies, they'll die. If you don't believe in yourself, you won't success.

_"We are going to be fine. And everything will be alright at the end, so remember… If it's not right, it's not the end Britt. You are the genius, and you need to believe _again_ in your own magic."_ She wasn't trying to convince me. She was speaking truthfully. "_I'll see you really soon, and everything is going to be okay"_

And just like that, I believed her. And just like that, I was already planning how to re-join the cheerios. And just like that, I wanted to dance again.


End file.
